In Trouble Time

Currently Listening To : Green Day - 21 Guns

Whether you read this in time or not, I'll be hoping and praying hard for the both of you. I don't know what went wrong or what transpire between the both of you, but as you travel across the world, I hope you'll know that I got your back regardless of the outcome.

Forget the birthday and the gift. Come back with positive happy news and for that, will be my best gift. A lot have change between us since we walk our separate ways, but I'll uphold my words I once promised you - we're blood.

Have a safe flight up there. Be safe and take care of yourself during the winter. I'll take care of things back here.

Go get your soulmate.

With love,
Your buddy.



McJammy ~~~~out!

Burn Out Brightly

Currently Listening To : Jackson 5 - Ben

Ever since I came back from a year long study abroad, I realize how much has changed back here. Some calls it "reverse culture shock," others simply accept the fact that life is an ever growing process in which we cannot control and muster within our grasp. Whichever way you look at it, things have changed. That bothers me, well, a little. On a random late evening. I sat back on my study chair and I thought to myself, "Is it me? Or is it my surroundings?" Well, that’s probably something I can’t justify by myself but only by others.

The most common description I get from others ever since I came back for the Summer break is that I’ve become more “eloquent” compared to what I was. Once, I even received a comment saying that he was “dazzled by my maturity.”These compliments serve as a self-esteem boaster more than anything else. But, I’ll be lying to you if I tell you that I never let it get into me. As a perfectionist, all I ever wanted to be is to be the “perfect specimen”- the best of the very best. But, will any human being on earth actually be known as “the perfect one?”

Unfortunately for me, humans aren’t perfect and we’ll keep making mistakes, but it’s so, so important to be real. At the end of the day, I can make a million mistakes and cause people to wonder if I’m on the right track or if I’m selling out or compromising my values… but as long as I can keep fighting to make the ones who matter see that I’m trying, I’m learning, I’m growing… I will. Even if it means admitting my flaws and mistakes. Even if it means being real. Because I’d rather be an imperfect, real, human being, than a perfect, but fake plastic Barbie. Literally and figuratively. And here’s the real deal – I’m reckless, I’m impulsive, I’m curious, I’m stubborn like I’ve always been. Some things don’t change. And the very things that can be my greatest downfalls I’d like to believe can also be my greatest strengths.

As an ancient proverb goes: “To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.” Likewise, my recklessness sometimes leads me to act without thinking but it also makes me brave and daring to choose the harder way because I know it’s the right way. My curiosity sometimes gets me in trouble but it hasn’t stopped me from hungering and grasping for truth. My impulsiveness makes me do stupid things sometimes but it keeps life interesting. My stubbornness makes me seem rebellious and proud but it’s that very stubbornness that makes me refuse to give up trying to be better even though sometimes I just want to throw in the towel.
And it’s all those things – the good and the bad – that make me who I am. I’m tired of pretending and trying to be perfect – because this side of heaven, I’ll never be. I’ll keep disappointing people but it will not be on purpose and I will keep trying to make them see that I can change and I can grow… but one thing I can never be is perfect and fake.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes. ~William James

People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Worship,” The Conduct of Life, 1860

Man is a knot into which relationships are tied. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Flight to Arras, 1942, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. ~The Apostle Paul, Romans 12:2 (NIV)

The time is coming – it has, in fact, come – when what you’re called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter. It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. ~The Apostle John, John 4 (MSG)

McJammy ~~~~out!

Lovedrunk

Currently Listening To : Colbie Cailat - Fallin' For You

"I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Jammy would be away from LIFE for the next 10 days. Owh, yes... TEN DAYS!

:D

Pergi mana?

Rehab.

HAHA!

Alright, scratch all that. I'll be away to the land of Hornbills & Orang Utans - Sarawak - for a good 10days. My escapade! I needed it, in fact, I wanted it. I thought it came timely enough to make sure I don't indulge myself too deeply into whatever it is back here. I cannot afford to do so. I don't want to leave the way I did a year ago... I want to leave with a smile knowing that my future is brighter than 'twas a year ago. I want to leave knowing that I have something to look forward to till the next time.

That's how I want my Aug' 3rd to be. Bare in mind alrighty?

So, 10 days "back to basic" in Sarawak would probably be a fun trip with the family. Not quite sure what are my plans/intentions are just yet. But hopefully, I won't be wasting my time doing nothing. I honestly doubt I would but, Sarawak is pretty unpredictable at times. Snowman would know better. ;) Time is gonna fly by once I'm back from this trip. But, I'm not going to bitch and moan about how my summer is too short and all. Instead, I want to leave knowing that I made the most of my short summer back home doing all that I could possibly could. If you ask what my current motto is, I would tell you, "STUDY HARD, PLAY HARDER!" Owh trust me, I learned that from a very, very wise man. :p

So, I guess I would leave you guys with a picture of my newest baby. Owh, 2 pictures of what it's capable of, too. Haha! Have a good week my fellow readers. I'll see you on the 13th. Yes, sweetie YOU!

;)

Lovelove!

"White is the new black yo!"

Singapore Cable Ski @ East Coast Park.

McJammy ~~~~out!

Just know that I will be here... for you

26th June' 2009

"You see this world has lots to offer,

but in time we'll go talking if this love is what we say it is

I'm sure we will go far

and with a girl as sweet as you

there's not much I can do

but fall for you..."

~~~~~~~~~~

I'll always be here regardless of it all.

...you should know who you are by now.

<3

McJammy ~~~~out!

CHILL

Currently Listening To : My Favorite Highway - Bigger Than Love

The long awaited getaway weekend came by ever so swiftly. It didn't came to my direct senses that 3-weeks has gone by. 5 more weeks and I'm back for more grueling contest. Wow! Maybe summer is just too short? Haha! Owh well...

So, this trip to Cameron Highlands kicks-off a series of mouth-watering weekend trips to come! I'll be up in Genting Highlands this coming weekend. On to S'pore for the following weekend. "Lastly," I'll be in East Malaysia - Sarawak, my hometown - for the first 2 weeks of July. I guess that just means my weekends are all out. For those of you who haven't catch me, take note yea? ;) Only weekdays. Haha!

Anyway, I guess it's fair to say that my family goes up there once annually. I'm pretty sure if it was much nearer, my parents would love to CAMP there more often during the year. But yes, I've been there for countless times and there's really nothing much to say about it besides the perfect serene atmosphere all we city-folks desperately need. Seriously, we really need to learn how to CHILL - actions speaks louder than words? In our daily conversation, we often come across the overrated ah beng saying, "Chill la..." Familiar much? Well, maybe the modern saying would probably be, "Take a chill pill. Chillax?" But, how many of us actually really "practice what we preach?" Probably, how many of us are actually ALLOWED to do so will be a better question? To actually take a day or two off just to relax and spend some real quality time with the family (or whoever closest).

See, I often second the idea of having a getaway to wherever for a break. A break away from the hectic city-life we experience on a day-to-day basis. It's amazing how we could survive (or rather endure) such hectic-ness for such a long-period of time without a proper break from this modern in-demand world. Personally, the idea of working and just blow my mind; what more, actually doing it? Haha.

Well, if you happen to fall into the infamous group of people who "desperately wants, but not allowed to" have a break from whatever you're doing, too bad? But, for those who could actually work around that busy schedule of yours, let me just "advice" you to be sure to do the above mentioned to "recharged" and get back into whatever you're doing a fresher and better candidate. I'm very sure it helps in one way or another - maybe not so significantly?

I always thank God for His infinite blessings. Direct and significant blessings such as placing me in such a fortunate and above average family who could actually afford to enjoy such privilege as going on a holiday trip. I consider such as a privilege rather than something we deserve cos I do think even a factory worker deserves a holiday trip. Thus, a privilege is what I considered these weekends getaway as. I could imagine otherwise...

Anyways, I should prolly not drag this any longer but go straight to the point. Enjoy all given "privilege" given from up above. Make the most of it and be sure to use it to your benefit. To me, it makes me fresher and a better thinker whenever I get such breaks. It just gives me that extra cutting edge to work on any given tasks. Hence, liking "time to time" breaks rather than a one-go LONG breaks.

To conclude, breaks are essential towards our daily lifestyle. It helps bring a better person out of ourselves when there's fresh-ness in us. So, fellow readers, take a chill pill, chillax!

Before I end, here are some pictures I took over my trip to Cameron Highlands. Hope it's pleasing unto your eyes as much as it does to mine.

Happy weekends! :)

BOH Tea Plantation

My beloved parents.

:)

My Snowman.

:D

He actually threaten to SUE me just because I "stole" a few shots of his hensam face.

=_='

Great companies.

"Highest" spot in the entire Cameron Highland.

One of my personal favorite of the entire trip.

Comments?

Random Macros.

Bharat Tea Plantation.

Tea workers.

My emo snowman.

:p

Charcoal steamboat!

2 in 2 night.

Jealous much?

:D

McJammy ~~~~out!

Benefit of a doubt?

Currently Listening To : Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling

We often ask ourselves "Why must be give in?" "Why can't the world just revolve around us instead?" "Why must things turn out this way and why not the other way around?"

Why this? Why that?

Ever take the extra step BACK and wonder, why NOT?

I often call myself a "real-ist." I made my point straight and, if possible, THE status quo. I like things that goes my way; hate it otherwise. Enjoy complacency, despise difficult and tedious task. Well, that's me. I know my flaws. But let's admit it? Who doesn't? See, the unfortunate truth is that, we live a very "regretful" life. Well, probably not ALL of us, but I dare say, majority of us. No? Almost every single one of us, if asked, will like to turn back the clock to a certain period of time in life and "relive" from then onwards again. Some might deny, but it's true. Quite frankly, I personally wish I could turn back the clock. The power to relive certain significant and precious moments while at the same time, hope to change the bad ones. But, will that make us who we are today?

I still remember there was once in a Bible class when a much elder friend of mine asked, "Jeremy, would you like to turn back the time if ever given an opportunity to?" I took a while to comprehend his questions - subconsciously wondering if it was a trick question. I took about 10 seconds and finally, I answered, "No. Would you?" He gave me a tricky eye brown and proceed on by being the devil's advocate and came up with another question, "Why not?" I gave another good thought to it and answered him fearlessly with another question, "I honestly can't imagine myself apart from who I am today. Without everything falling into place and happened the way it did, will I ever be the Jeremy I am today? Plus, seeing where I am today, I don't think I would ever want to change anything." Almost instantly, he replied, "Well, you're only 18! But I'm almost 3 times your age!! What'd you think from MY point of view?"

Well, that's a pretty tricky question, don't you think? This morning, I went down to have my breakfast while my mum was watching a Singaporean drama series - it was the conclusion episode. In a 1hr concluding episode, there were 3 different sorts of ending - each varies largely from one another. The first conclusion went by - everyone died except him. He wished that it didn't happen. And so, time turns back to where he wanted it again. This time round, everything ended quite similarly (everyone died) but in a more cruel and unimaginable circumstances (good directing, btw). He once again didn't like how things turned out and eventually made the same wish over again. And so, we go back to 2 years ago... again. This time round, he did what he personally thought was right - trying to change the future - and sacrifice HIMSELF instead of hoping and waiting for everything to fall together. And long and behold, that was the best ending among the 3.

I was intrigued by the director's thought while writing the manuscript of the entire drama. Did he wish that he could change his future, too? Haha! That's probably the best explanation? I don't know about you, but to me, if we were allowed to change the future, what's the point of living then? Doesn't it give you that "spoiler" feeling that we earnestly HATE before we watch a movie? I thought it was a good reminder to us all that no matter how many time we relive a particular moment, there's no such thing as a fairy tale ending. In truth, there's always positive and negative outcome. It's what I personally like to call the "yin-yang effect." If everything's perfect, heck, nothing will ever go wrong then? Where's the thrill in living?

Whenever things happened - regardless of whatever it might be - it does help if you would take a wise step back and understand the situation before being judgmental. The immediate reactions/responses that come directly to you should never be "if only..." Instead, it should be "Why not?" It's not natural, but believe it or not, it serves as an "instant comforter."

I personally struggle with moving on and often times, I wish I could change how things turned out. But hey, if those presumably "bad/negative" things didn't happened to me, would I ever think the way I currently do?

Life is about living to the fullest - not with regrets. My wise uncle often tell me, "If I were to go today, I'll go with a smile. The last thing I want to is to leave this world telling my friends how I wish I did this, I did that..." It makes perfect sense to me. Forget the past, look to the future. No guilt, no bondage. Only the future ahead of us. I never believe in predestination. God never send us to this world without free will. It's all in our hands. Decision making is vital and ever decision made brings us to a whole new level of options. There's no sin in one's past dark/bad enough that God cannot forgive. 10 years down the road, you would probably have a much clearer picture and understanding why certain things happened the way it did 10 years ago. Then, you would laugh it off and probably say, "My God is a funny God."

Live life to the fullest. Forget about looking back, look to the future and hopefully & prayerfully, you would do things the right way this time round?


p/s: The above mentioned was my reply to my "elder friend" aka Bible lecturer. He was impressed.



McJammy ~~~~out!

“Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.”

Currently Listening To : 卓文萱 - 爱的城堡


Still remember him?
;)

That's growth - well, sorta. He's prolly much girly these days, but look on the bright side, at least he's got it going now with his first "budget" single out and, hopefully, wooing the crowd. :)

Well, if you haven't know, I'm currently back home in Malaysia for the next 2 months of my summer break. It had been almost 2 weeks now just running up and down the state, catching up with all the peepz that made my life interesting all these while. Honestly, it sure feels good to be home - to be back to where I personally belong. Most importantly, back to my comfort zone in which I cherished and missed for the past 8 months.

A lot have change ever since I left this country. It ranges from regular routines to appearance as well as attitudes of every single individual. I'm not entirely sure if it's all for the goods but there's one thing for sure - there's GROWTH. I can't help but to realize how much everyone else has grown and matured over the past 8 months. In fact, is 8 months really THAT long?! Uhmm... I wonder.

But, according to the great John C. Maxwell, “If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.” Thus, I presume it's a good thing? Everyone that I've met in the past 2 weeks impressed me in some way or another with their "new" self. Some of which just blows me away with their maturity and understanding. However, I'm not a fan of singling out anyone but I'm gonna just go ahead and single out my dearest eldest brother - my fatty - for "maturing the most in the past 8 months."

See, he might looks like an aggressive individual with his intimidating physical features, but if you look back and analyze his past, you would prolly NOT want to be anywhere close him cos' it's true that he's pretty darn intimidating. Yes, it's true that he was once the troublemaker. Matter of fact, probably the one and only troublemaker in CAOG. Every fight involves him; every negative event has his name written all over it. But today, he wakes up at 7am every morning - regardless of what time he sleeps the previous night - and drag his sorry ass to Batu Cave and start his daily responsibility, work. I love the fact that he realizes and admit to his flaws and weak points. You don't need to remind him how dumb he is, he knows. That's my elder brother. But you see, amidst that "lousy person" lies a burning heart who wants to impress others. Not only towards his immediate family, but to the world. So what if one's not book-smart, right? Bill Gates' a drop-out himself. Not to mentioned, even George W. Bush suffered similar fate. But look where are they now?

Like the famous Adidas tag-line says, "Nothing is impossible; impossible is nothing." My fatty might not noticed it but I strongly believe that he personally lives his life based on that particular motto. Why'd I say so? Simply because he's afraid of practically nothing! (Only ants... Maybe?) Yes, and that includes failure. My mummy always tell me how thick skin he is, but hey, guess what? I WISH I WAS AS THICK SKIN AS HE IS! Criticism never stops him from progressing, while failure never cease his burning desire. Of course, there's a strong woman behind every "successful man." I can't thank my sista-in-law enough for changing that fatty to who he is today. Sometimes I wonder what is actually driving her to be able to love that fats so much? Uhmmm... Well, I guess that's for them to know, and for me to find out.

So, what made me said all of the above mentioned? Growth. I'll always remember what he did on Thursday night when he walked in to my room at 2am at night - everyone was well asleep - when he gave me a mere RM200 telling me this, verbatim, "Your brother is now working. This is for you." in the most humble of tones. What I'm trying to say is, it's not the RM200 that matter to me. Instead, it was the care and love that silently came with that RM200. He wants to be the perfect elder brother. He wants to be the perfect MAN of the family after my dad. And guess what? I think he already is despite all his flaws.


All it takes was 8 months to change a man. That's the "power" of growth.

That's only the story of my fatty. I can't tell you guys how proud I'm of every single one of you guys - stepping up and constantly working on your flaws, striving to be a better person. I see changes in everyone of you. Even the closest. I know it's only going to get better from here on as I look to continue my study abroad for the remaining 3 years. This time, probably with no more surprises.

Never give up on who you are. Jeffrey, my fats make it through the hard way to where he is today. Not high and tall enough, yet, but I'm sure he'll make it big someday. There's potential in him. Not to mentioned, God rewards the one that never gives up! You might be down, but you're never out as long as you keep trying.

At the risk of sounding like an old wise man, trust in who you are. Never stop trying. Never stop... growing.



McJammy ~~~~out!

I wanna see how you lose control

26th May' 2009



...She cold, overfreeze,
I got that girl from overseas,
Now she my miss America,
now can i be her soldier please,
I’m fighting for this girl,
I’m a battlefield of love...


Confused yet determined.
ILY <3!>





McJammy ~~~~out!

RAGE

Currently Listening To : 许飞 - 夏天的味道

"When you're high up and brainy, you call the shot. Period."

-JammyG

McJammy ~~~~out!

iDemand = No more Mr.Nice Guy

Currently Listening To : Jon Schmidt - Cherished Moment

Throughout my life, I've tried so very hard to please everybody - making sure that we always come to a compromise and everybody's happy. Hence, always being dubbed as Mr.Nice guy... I don't know if it's a good thing as much as I doubt it is now. However, I believe there's only so much one can take.

Boundary is what I always looked at to protect my personal interest. It's set in such a way that if one doesn't crossed his/hers into my "territory," I'll be perfectly fine with whatever they do. But the fundamental and pivotal idea is that there must be mutual respect between our actions. And that's what I personally demand from all individual regardless of age, culture, race, or country. You could be a complete stranger to me, but if you show me respect, I'll give you respect. Otherwise, you're nothing more than a scumbag.

If that's what I expect from a complete stranger, it's only natural for me to expect something MORE from a "friend" (or possibly close to blood brother/sister). At the very least, respect. I never believe in using a friend to achieve personal glory or social status because that just means one's being an opportunist. Well, maybe it's perfectly fine in this modern demanding world, but I absolutely don't expect and will not tolerate such actions from anyone whom I considered as my "friend." It's heartbreaking to know of such and I can't help to think to myself, "Does our friendship not worth as much as whatever you want to achieve?"

I'm just absolutely gutted by the way I'm treated by people. People that I come across on a daily basis. People who apparently "respected" me for who I am. People who I've known for too many years... The famous phrase is, "Jeremy doesn't mind. He's fine with everything." Wow! Hold on a sec, just because I constantly compromise doesn't mean I'm ALWAYS fine. I'm only human (like everyone else) and there are times when I won't agree on something. Speaking of which, do anyone actually care of how I felt about something?

Maybe I'm being oversensitive, but I've got feelings, too. If everyone of you are allowed to express your dissatisfaction or throw a bitch fit in front of me, I get to, too. I could careless of my reputation if need to. I'm no longer a push over. To hell if you think you can take advantage of me from now on.




p/s: Pardon my Greek and intonation.


McJammy ~~~~out!